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i think i have become an olympic junkie.
all i want to do these days is be at home and watch, even the sports that i have no idea what in the world is going on, like biathlon. i think that is what it is called? the one with the skiing and the rifles? i went to the olympics back in 2002 when they were in salt lake city and that was the event i saw, except i was far more interested in taking photos of the olympic signs than actually watching what was happening. anyway...
my point is, watching all of these athletes that have sacrificed their entire lives for a chance of achieving their dreams is incredible. it's inspiring. and i want that. not an olympic gold because obviously that will never happen (although i do daydream about being an ice skater every once in a while). but i crave that moment where i know that everything i have done in my life up until now, has been worth the time spent. now i sound like i feel as if my whole life has been a waste, which I DO NOT believe. it's just that, if i could inspire someone as those athletes have inspired me, how incredible would that be? just a moment of making someone else want to do more and be a bit better, i think the whole world could use more of that, even on the odd years.
ballet has been my life since i was six years old. i believe it is one of the most beautiful art forms on this entire planet, there is nothing else like it. i dreamed of dancing on a huge stage in new york dancing with american ballet theater doing my dream role of juliet. that hasn't happened. i dance with a small professional company, on a pretty good sized stage, having never danced the role of juliet, but i realize it has been exactly what i needed. dreams change.
i am graduating within the next couple of months, and i swear it will be one of the best days of my life. but i have been blessed enough to get a degree while dancing with a professional company. getting through my degree has been a long road, but rewarding at the same time. it has taken me an extra four semesters to graduate with my bachelors of fine arts in ballet for various reasons. at first i was upset about this. i didn't want to spend forever in school, especially when people i started the degree with were able to graduate on time. i wanted to just be done with it and start living my life, whatever that meant. i didn't know, i still don't. but i know i want it to be something inspiring.
in these extra semesters, i have forced myself to take classes that interest me, but are outside of my comfort zone. i have come to the realization that my life is up to me and my biggest fear is not living it to the fullest. i started taking some acting classes, and have fallen in love with it. i love that terrifying feeling of performing a monologue or scene in front of a class of students who have done this for most of their lives. i would love to continue it and be in films and explore the way other people feel through different ways in pathways other than through dance. dance is still a huge part of my life, and i am nowhere near being done with it, but performing emotions in a foreign way that i have never done before excites me. it's an art form that i have never experienced, but have at the same time. elements such as emotion and playing different characters on stage are the same, but having to use my voice? that's unexplored territory.
have you ever looked at all the people around you and wondered what their life is like? what experiences they have been through, what their dreams are? maybe not. i do though. i want to live a hundred lives and experience everything. i want to know all i can in this terribly short life. i want to travel. i want to learn to play the cello. i want to dance and choreograph and act in movies. i want to read. i want to learn languages. i want to try something i've never done before. i never want to stop growing. i want to feel this excitement that happens on the even years, every year, every day.
i don't exactly know what i am trying to say, but i doubt anyone will be reading this anyway, except for me, and it makes sense in my head... so if there is anyone out there reading this, take from it what you will.
