?

why do we do it? this endless torment of pain and suffering. all of it being self-inflicted.

it's us. over and over and over again. history teaches us nothing. we never learn. how the heavens must look down on us with such sorrow and disappointment. i do and i am here, in one tiny part of the world, unable to first-handedly see the effects of the world's rage, but confused and agonized about how to make it better.

every bit of the news is filled with terrors, but i am sure you already knew that. 

maybe the problem is that we don't see ourselves as we. the world tries to divide itself up so that the blame does not hit us directly, but can be pushed aside to another sub group. maybe we can't face the fact that we are the only group. and why do we lash out at each other? whether it be as grand as attacks on paris or as small as hurting one's feelings. perhaps there is a void in all of our lives that our concious is unaware of. but how wrong are we to think that any form of hurt will be able to fill it.

"darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
-martin luther king jr. 

i believe that the world is filled with so many people so that we may be able to see the light when everything can get dark. we have families because at least one point in our lives, we will inevitably be hurt by someone or something, but the most luxurious thing life offers, is those people who will always be there for us, blood related or not.

why do we forget?

quite possibly it is naive of me to dream of a utopian society but i hope it is not foolish of me to wish it anyway.

however brutal the world is, with deaths and stealings and liars and cheats and every other form of cruelty, i hope to see the world as the place it was meant to be: beautiful with endless possibilities. i hope that we don't ruin such magnificence for ourselves, because if we do, it will only be us we are hurting.

presence of absence

i spent my evening looking at the super blood moon. and as i was looking at it, i couldn't help but feel small. not small in the sense that i am not important, but small in the sense that some things are so much bigger. 

the last time this kind of eclipse happened was in 1982 and won't happen again until 2033, but even so, hardly anyone in my neighborhood was watching it. i guess some people aren't into it, which is fine, but what a shame for them. and then there are people who come take one photo on their phone and go back inside. 

here is the thing about taking photos like that. are you really going to look at it again? really look at it? no. because it was one second of your life. one second that has no thought. but the picture itself is not important anyway.

i was sitting there staring at this gorgeous moon and people were not out there seeing it. the moon doesn't matter. the experience of being present and sitting and thinking and being mesmerized by something so simplistically beautiful that humans put no effort in to achieve is what matters. 

how often it is that i pass moments like this by. moments in which i can realize that a lot of things i stress about or over-think, DO NOT MATTER because the world is beautiful and i need only have the eyes to see it.

sometimes my eyes are blind. and a lot of times my eyes are presently absent. 

i also thought, some things do in fact not matter in the grandeur scheme of things, but they do matter in the scheme of this moment. more often than not, i worry about plans, and how my plans never work, and how my original plans didn't include the almost-always event of never turning out how i planned, but i still try.

time always goes on, whether or not there is a plan. things will continue to happen even if they happen 18 years apart like this moon. 

maybe there are people out there staring at this same moon who feel the same way, and maybe there aren't. but isn't that nice to think about? 

all from one evening with the moon.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/kerismith/1815099426/in/photostream

^^^

i have a lot on my mind. but it's so full of thoughts that they all kind of cancel each other out so when i try to explain what i'm thinking, my mind becomes blank. as i sit here in my dark room staring at this vibrant screen of light that is probably ruining my eyes and killing my ability to shut off my mind and sleep, all i can think about is sleep. and dreaming i guess. do you ever wish you could control your dreams? sometimes i try to. and do you think dream interpretation is for real? and do you think people that are in your dreams are there for a reason? or is it just that our mind was subconsciously thinking about them? because i have dreams about people i've never met, and people i've barely met.

and still i'm thinking. thinking about this week. thinking about mountains.

oh what are men compared to rocks and mountains?

nothing it would seem. but things are never as they seem.

it has been a while since i've blabbed on here. i didn't feel as if i had anything worth saying. but this week is a fork and maybe if i try and de-tangle the web inside my mind on here, i will get the smallest amount of sense.

so i've been trying to figure out my life, which i have said before, yada yada yada...no one cares, ariel. but literally this week i have opportunities of seeing two completely opposite directions that my life could go. how cray banans is that? i'm not going to say what they are so all my followers (aka all like 1 of you with probably 100% being my family) STOP ASKING. because i don't know what i'm doing 4 SHORE. just test-driving. also, you already know.

but maybe this week i can move a mountain. or probably more like a hill, maybe just an ant hill. just so. even so. movement is movement and making a decision is the first step is it not? so this week, while on a test run for two different life paths, if i am so brave to have an inkling of which decision to do, i will begin to move my own mountain, cutting a new path of my own future. and if it turns out that it was the wrong one to try and move.... well hopefully it was a nice view while it lasted. and if not that either, then i'll have something to smile at while reading my journal 50 years from now.

ahh, the smell of adventure.